Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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