yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
