isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
