I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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