rhymes with "ouble enetration"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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