Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
