I accidentally had phone sex last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
