Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
