We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
