i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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