You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
