I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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