Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
