So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize