Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
