people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
