He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
