Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
