I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
