Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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