Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
