Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
