Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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