So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
