Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
