In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
