I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
