NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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