I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
