The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
