here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
