She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
