shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
