it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
