I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are we still banned from the library?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
