I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
