i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
