if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
