I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
