it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
