I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
