Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
