I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize