I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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