Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
