i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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