This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do vagina's smell?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
