You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
