Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
