yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
