I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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