DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
