Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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