In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize