omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You took a bar mat shot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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