I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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