is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
