A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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