We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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