Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
