I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
