I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
