She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
