Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
