No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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