We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
