She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
