and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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