My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
