remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize