so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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