Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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