Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
