I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
