So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
