Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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