dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
