If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
