Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
