I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
