$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
