dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
