I have demons in me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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