no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
