I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My dick has a subreddit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
