Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
time to smoke my breakfast
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
