Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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