Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
