just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
