I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
