This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
