They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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