Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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