On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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