Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
