last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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