if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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