just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
