i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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