I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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