are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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