where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
