think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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