Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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