I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drake has all the answers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
