Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
